Boring/Bored?

The feeling of being out of the flow, disconnected and can’t find the drive to look for anything in the external world to distract yourself from this feeling. It’s very common with me. I’m so scared of being stuck in the same situation and in the same emotions over and over again. But I have also lost the drive to look for the external fix. Well almost, I still try and combat it with going out for drinks and having flirtations. Often I outright focus solely on sex because it gives me the exciting feeling that I miss so. The expectation of a sexual encounter titillates me to the core. And I can say that I would not want to let go of that.  I love sex and my sexual energy.

So dropping into deeply in this boredom, what do I see or find? I experience this feeling every day. It feels like energy is getting rushed up from the base but it gets stuck in various places. It’s like hosepipe being obstructed while water is still on. What is this block made of? It is the feeling that I have no power to change my experience here. There’s that given up frustrated feeling. It says that you will never have what you want so why bother,

So feeling stuck and thinking that there is nothing I can do about it. Total lack of control. And nobody hearing it, complaints department is closed….

I am asking to see the truth through these feelings and thoughts. I wish to shine the light on all of this and see what’s what. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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