Fuck You Gratitude!

So maybe you are like me and started their spiritual path with the virtuous sounding practice of acceptance and letting it go. But sometimes letting it go gets so fucking distorted. Practicing gratitude isn’t much good if one of the schizophrenic voices in your head is just lying to the others. If what’s boiling in the depth of your belly is volcanic, mother fucking anger, it’s no use trying to frantically mantra it away. ‘Cause it ain’t going nowhere!

So fuck you gratitude! Fuck you acceptance! Fuck you letting it go! Fuck you spirituality! And fuck you god! You’ve done nothing for me. I expected everything to change and you gave nothing. You remain silent and distant like fridge with a lock on it! How the hell do you expect me to be grateful when I’ve gotten nothing I want? I’m still a emotional hot mess! I’m poor as hell and working like a dog just make ends meet! I can’t do anything to enjoy myself! I’m tired as a mother of fresh born octuplets! How??? You tell me!

I’ve read thousand kilometers of spiritual literature. I’ve meditated my ass off! I’ve paid too much money to spiritual healers, and here I am ranting on some god forsaken blog how didn’t get what I wanted! I’m like a five year old screaming over a dropped ice cream cone. Gimme, gimme, gimme!!!

You remain silent. I did my course in magic. Where is it now? I tried to manifest money, I tried to manifest silly things. Nothing happened. Am I not good enough? Why do you exclude me? I want to come and play too. But here I am, alone in my bunker. Oh sorry, was I supposed to be grateful for my bunker? Was I supposed to be grateful for this shitty little life? I’m small and nobody can hear me. I want to sing but I’m scared as hell. Better to keep my head down. Better not too want anything so that I can’t get disappointed, eh?

So what now? Your move.

Love,

Woman A

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